Wifehood On God's Terms

Let's dive right in. Ephesians 5:33 reads, ......and let the wife must see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. 1 Peter 3:2 reads the same........ your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. I love the amplified version!! It is clear that the Bible commands wives to respect husbands unconditionally. In this day, the American culture teaches the exact opposite, that respect is only given once earned. Sadly I had that mindset entering into marriage almost 5 years ago, that he had to work for my respect. I am challenged to respect him mostly when things are not going the way I would like for them to. For example, when he says things that are insensitive to my ears and heart. At times I so badly want to say things that will hurt him the same way that I feel hurt, but I know that according to the Bible I must choose to respond in love and respect.

We must respect our man, even when we may be legitimately right that he doesn't deserve it. The bottom line is the way that we respect and love our husband is the way that we love and respect the Lord. Meaning that when we choose to keep our mouth shut and not spew out all those angry words and choose to be obedient and loving toward our husband, then we are showing our affection to the Lord. I am not perfect at this and I pray that I mature quickly, but this is what we are made for, to love God through wifehood, NOT for our husbands benefit but for our benefit. Sure, our husbands benefits from having a drama-less wife, but our benefit goes way deeper than them experiencing our respect for them. The work of the Holy Spirit on our hearts, removing the rocky, cold places and molding our hearts to be warm and receptive in His love is far greater than anything I can give my husband.

As I have underlined above, respect for our husbands is not conditional. It is not contingent on how we feel or what we think but is unconditional. We must come to a place of complete trust in the Lord. Even when our husbands make mistakes, move us all over the city or country, act arrogant and prideful, don't take the time to hear from the Lord, or whatever his defieciency is, we, as wives, are still in the hand of the Lord. We may have to go through some bumpy roads because of the decisions of our husbands, but it will not take us out. So no matter how our husbands lead us, we must trust the leadership of Jesus over our lives. we must align our lives with His Word and submit. In my experience, when I choose to submit, even though I know that my husband is making a mistake, the Lord usually works it out by revealing to my husband his mistake. And then my husband comes to me with wisdom from the Lord, which also causes him to feel good about being the leader of our home.

Another important reason to respect your husband unconditionally is that not only is the Lord watching you, but your children are watching you.  Sons are learning what to look for in a wife and daughters are learning how to be a wife through your living example. Children are like little mirrors walking around mimicking everything that we do. They pick up on attitudes, responses, phrases, emotions, a lot of things that we do, especially if we spend most of our day with them all day everyday. The more we gaze upon Jesus and receive His leadership the easier it is to walk this out in front of our children.

Back to the verses above. The amplified version adds more clarity to the word respect. It also says that we are to notice him. How do we do that? I believe it is in the moments of noticing he is running out of clean socks, so stick a load of laundry in the washer. It is noticing that he loves spice to his food, so add some red pepper seasoning to the salt and pepper shakers. It is noticing that he likes to sleep with a fan on so grab extra blankets to keep warm. It is noticing that he works hard all day and may need a few minutes when he comes home to hisself, so take the kids for a 15 min walk. It is noticing his need for sexual attention, so give 10-15 min of loving. It is noticing that he stayed up all night working and may need to sleep in the next morning so get up and take care of the kids. It is the small things that can go a long way in respecting your husband.

We must see to it that we as wives, praise him, enjoy him and admire him exceedingly. I have heard a statistic say that for every negative word spoken to another you have to speak 15 positive words for that negative word to become void. We must see to it that we praise our husband and admire him, instead of complain and nag him about what he is not doing and what he should be doing. We can do this through celebrating who he is and his accomplishments. Did he get a promotion at his job? Get some cake and ice cream and balloons for when he comes home and celebrate. Make a date night for the two of you and center everything around him and what he enjoys. Even throw in comments throughout the night about what you love about him.

The verses above also say that we must honor, esteem, appreciate our husband. I have found that the simpliest thing can speak volumes to a man. Just a short 30 second brag on something that you are proud of, especially to his kids, will go a long distance in his heart. Honoring him also means taming the tongue when angry. Not speaking against him toward others. Learning what to say and when to say it. Choosing words that willl edify and build him up. There is a Proverb that reads, a wise woman builds her house up and a foolish woman tears it down. I believe that this can happen through your mouth. As we choose to honor him rather than dishonor him, God smiles on us. And there is no better feeling, no better affirmation, no better moment than to feel the Father smiling at you. If you have never felt that before, start here. Honor and respect your husband in spite of the way he leads. Brace yourself because it can be overwhelming.